You may have heard people say a variety of phrases when discussing the topics of adoption, children who were adopted, and their parents. Learn what to say, what not to say, and why the difference is important with this table.
| Say this | Not this | Why? |
| Making an Adoption Plan | Giving away, giving up, or putting upper adoption | Parents are not giving up, they are providing. That child has VALUE. |
| Choosing adoption for a child | Surrender, relinquish, release | This implies adoption is outside of the birth parents. |
| Placed for adoption | Put up for adoption, adopted out | Children who were on orphan trains were literally “put up” on a stage for viewing. |
| Unplanned pregnancy | Unwanted pregnancy, illegitimate child | Most birth mothers want their child but understand they cannot provide in the ways they desire. Every child is wanted by God. |
| Biological mother/father | Mother/Father | When adoptive parents are referring to the birth parents, mother and father are those who adopted the child, not those who conceived them. |
| Birth mother/father | Real/Actual Mother or Father | What makes a mom or dad “real” or “fake”? |
| Deciding to parent | Keeping the child/baby | Parenting is ongoing and active. It is much MORE than keeping or watching a child. |
| Person who was adopted | Is Adopted, adopted child | A child’s adoption is an event in their lives, it does not ultimately define who they are. |
| My child | My own child, my real child, my adopted child | When parents adopt a child, it is just as much their child as a biological child would be. |
